Monday, June 10, 2013

Brianne Elise

I'm sure you all know that Bri passed away on Friday, June 7th.  We weren't expecting it or anywhere near prepared for it.  We all felt sure that she would receive treatment, be cured and we'd all go on.  I guess God had other plans for her.

As her mother, I had the honor of knowing her the longest.  She was my first born so while I was pregnant with her each thing I experienced during that pregnancy was thrilling!  I can still remember when I felt her kick for the first time.  She was a real kicker too, once she was born I already knew she was going to be a go-getter because she was so active in utero.  I can't put into words what I felt like at the age of 19 to be handed my brand, new baby girl.  The feelings that swept over me were so intense.  I looked at that little stranger and I knew that I would die for her, I would kill for her if I had to.  I would do everything in my power to protect and love her.

She had a fun personality from day one.  Never fussy or whiney but always giggling, joking and running around doing somersaults.  She was a skinny little girl with crazy blonde curls that I could not contain.  She loved to wrestle with her Uncle Lance, they were two of a kind.  When her baby sister Brooke came along she was an instant super star!  Baby Brooke though her big sister was the most hilarious person EVER!  Brianne could really make Brooke giggle and it was so much fun to watch those two.  When Spencer was born Brianne was 9 years old and her maternal instincts kicked in immediately.  She was such a good little mama to him.  She was so good with him, a natural.  She loved her Nanny and Papo and I'm sure Papo was the once to welcome her Home.

I enjoyed every stage of Bri's life.  Well except for the sneaking out of the house when she was in high school part.  :-)  She had wonderful friends and I love you all and thank you for loving Bri and our family.  I remember when she went to her first Prom or Spree in high school I was so excited to go out shopping together and find the perfect dress.  She shot me down though and said she was just going to borrow one of her friends.  She was thrifty even back then!  Brianne was always a social butterfly and on the go.  Everyone seemed to enjoy being around her.  She had a lot of fun playing sports in school and I love cheering her on from the stands.  I did get in trouble after a basketball game because she heard me say, "way to go honey!" Apparently I shouldn't have called her honey in front of the whole school during a high school basketball game.  :-)

When Bri had Kambrya, watching her was like watching a mother of 5 kids.  She was such a natural, so calm, never frazzled.  She was so good with her babies.  She enjoyed her babies too!  They were like a little wart attached to her hip until they were each about 18 months old or so.  They didn't want anyone but mommy.  Bri always put Ted and the girls first.  She was a wonderful wife, mother and homemaker.  And she loved to cook!

I'm sad that the little girls won't have her around to teach them about being women.  I can't get over the fact that they do not have a mommy anymore.  I don't know how they will do it but knowing Ted and how well he's done these last months when he's been Mister Mom, he'll make it work.  He's been putting hair in ponytails and polishing little fingernails and toenails.  He has been amazing.

Brianne Elise, I know you've heard me say this for as long as you can remember but I am now and have always been so glad that God picked me to be your mom.  I don't know how I'll get through this so you will have to help me, okay?  I've loved you since before you were born and I'll always love you.  I will be so glad to see your sparkling blue eyes, your crazy blonde curls and your beautiful laugh.  I know you're joining the choir up there because you've loved to sing before you could even talk.  (Hopefully you'll get the lyrics right, remember if you all sing "Stop In The Name of Love" it is LOVE, not "Stop In The Neighborhood".)

I promise that I will love your daughters and I'll be there for them and I'll tell them stories about their mom and keep your memory alive in them.  No one will ever take your place in their hearts.  I wish you didn't have to go.  How could it have been "your time?"

I can't wait to see you again...



  1. Tears... and smiles... So much love to you, Tamara... I can only imagine the ache of a mother losing her daughter, or a sister losing her sister, or a husband losing his wife, or three young girls losing their mommy... I do know that we are intimately loved and in God's hands, both in tragedy and in joy, and that not a season in our lives is outside of His provision and nurture. Lean on that knowledge and lean on each other... God bless you guys-- Jeanette

  2. Tammy, my heart is breaking for you and the whole family. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. I can only say that please know you all are in my prayers. I don't say that lightly; I truly mean it.
    May the Comforter be there for you, Brooke, Ted and those beautiful girls as well as Spencer, Lance and your mom.
    I send love to you all,
    Diane Buzzard

  3. What a beautiful message. I was talking to a friend last night who is far more knowledgable about God and the Bible than I and I asked her how this could happen with all the prayers? What about all the prayers? And she said that every one of us has our time. It is written before we are even born. During my prayers last night I asked God where He was in all the prayers...and I got this thought that may have been put there by the Holy Spirit, that God is in all the love. God is in the hearts that have opened and poured out HIS love for all of us. Bri joined us all together in Love. There was and is so much love.

    1. This blog was truly aptly named. Her new Life journey. God only knows how mnany lives she touched and will continue to touch and change, like a ripple effect. She brought out the very best in all of us! She reawkened our comapssion, our empathy, our generosity. Bri renewed prayer life in many lives I'm sure. I remember the last line of the prayer of St. Francis:
      "When we are born we begin to die, when we die, we begin to live"

    2. God did speak to you and tell you the truth!-- His love flowed through hundreds of people that rose to the challenge of taking care of one of their families in a time of need. Since it was already written that it was time for Bri to leave this earth, she gave us all one last chance in her passing to reconnect with each other, and reconnect with God in prayer. God desires our prayers out of love and communication, not out of fear of what might happen if we don't pray. God answered the prayer the way it was meant to be answered for Bri's perfect health to be restored. It might seem that He turned a deaf ear to our pleas for her to be healed, and yet He healed her in a perfect way by giving her a new dwelling place in His presence. And we grew in love and empathy in the process. I think that's the whole point of this life-- to help each other, show love & compassion and take care of our hearts, our faith and to trust in God no matter what happens. It is a beautiful thing, even if it hurts and feels awful right now. But I know we'll all look back on the miracle that did happen because of her life. *LOVE!*

  4. Tammy,
    What a beautiful tribute. I can feel your love for Bri just by reading this. There is nothing like the love between a mother and child and she was so lucky to have you as her mom to guide her in life. She was a testament to the kind of parent you have been, just as her girls will be testaments to Bri. My heart aches for all of you. Just know that you all have a special angel looking over you, now - be sure and talk to her, she'll hear you.
    Hugs and much, much love,

  5. This is the most moving love letter from a mother to a daughter I have ever read, the very essence of love and humor and human spirit. May the beautiful memories you have comfort and bless you all in your time of sorrow. Rest in peace dear Bri..

  6. You spoke as only a mother can, and it was beautiful! We never know why things happen, as the others have said, God has his purpose for us all, some of us he needs sooner, some later...I know Bri is protected in his white light, my prayers now go to you and those left behind for you see, it is always those who are remaining that hurt the most, Bri feels no pain, simply joy so try to remember how much love is surrounding her now and for eternity until you meet again.....much love to you my dear friend~~

  7. Hoo boy...can't keep the tears have been amazing, Tam, through the loss of your beautiful, precious firstborn. I will keep you, Bri, Spencer, Bill, and ESPECIALLY your granddaughters in prayer for strength to get through this and for the healing balm of the Father to wash through them. I am so sorry she had to go :( lOve you!