Today Bri slept all day. She was only awake for short periods of time. Sleep is so essential in the healing process. Her pain level was mostly at a 2 out of 10 and that's such a good thing. She was able to take a shower by herself without help. I am sure there are many stages of this process. They said the first couple of days she'd feel like super woman which was true. The first two days she was up and about, eating, laughing and in a great mood. Day 3 she didn't receive any chemo but slept all day. I know enough about cancer that it is an emotional roller coaster.
This morning she looked at herself in the mirror and started crying. When she sat on her bed I sat with her and let her cry. She hasn't really cried - wept. Only a few times when I've been with her she's only cried a couple of tears but today she wept. She said she was afraid her kids would be freaked out when they saw her with the IV and tubes. I told her that she looked a million times better than the last time they saw her. But with that mother's intuition she was sort of right. Since she was hooked up to an IV and had to wear a mask little 2 year old Anzley was hesitant to approach her mom. That seemed to crush Bri. I held her and let her cry and tried to assure her that things with the girls would get easier. I told Bri's Dr. that the baby didn't really want to be on her mom's lap and it was probably because of the mask. The Dr. said Bri could take it off but just no kisses on the mouth with her kiddo's. (We LOVE Dr. Green!)
It's such a conflict. I'm sure Bri wants the girls to have their regular routine that Ted is trying so hard to provide them, and time is going by fast for them. But on the other hand, time isn't going by so fast for Brianne and she has verbalized that she is afraid they won't miss her presence. It's a delicate balance. I feel helpless. But I let her cry when she needs to and I try very hard to let Brianne feel her feelings. I try to validate them and not try to cheer her up at those moments but to just be there for her while she is in that moment.
The girls are staying with me and mom for the weekend which is a huge treat of all of us! Anzley ate popcorn like it was her job and she went to bed like a little champ. We borrowed a playpen from a friend and she is in my room. Siena is sleeping beside me as I type and Kambrya is sleeping in Nanny's room watching "Murder She Wrote" which is something she used to do when they all lived in Kalispell. The girls are well taken care of. Anzley sang herself to sleep. I laid there and listened to a variety of songs, counting and even animal sounds. She would say, "what does a monkey say - ooo ooo ooo. What does a pig say - oink, oink." It was absolutely precious and for sleeping here for the first time without her momma and daddy, she was a champ!
The Pacheco family is strong and full of love and the Lord is holding them gently in His arms during this time. They will get through this, we all will, and we will be better for it. I have to say that out of all the cards Brianne received she seemed most touched by the card signed from all of her Middle School teachers in Polson, Montana. (Thank you Amy Knutson! I know it was you who sent that card around and I also know it was you who called all the churches in Polson and put Bri on their prayer chains. You are our angel and my whole family owes you a lifetime of gratitude and love.)
Tomorrow is a new day. Brianne will get chemo again. I think it's important for this blog that we be as honest as possible so that when there is a bad day we can look back and see how we got through it and how much support we got. It's also important to remember the good days and how we have all been uplifted.
This journey is truly changing the face of our family. It is bringing us closer, allowing us to trust each other and depend upon each other more.
Please keep praying for our family because we do feel your prayers and we do cherish them.
Good night, Tammy